Are You Doing Shadow Work Wrong?

Shadow work has become a buzzword in spiritual and self-development circles—and for good reason. I’ve even heavily talked about this subject. It's a powerful process of reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve rejected, buried, or denied. But in the rush to "do the work," many people are unknowingly approaching it in ways that actually keep them stuck, disconnected, or even more judgmental of themselves.

If you've ever said, "I'm doing shadow work" and felt like nothing is changing, or you're just uncovering wounds without knowing what to do next, this post is for you.

What Shadow Work Isn't

Let’s start with the most common misunderstanding:

Shadow work is not just about identifying your wounds or labeling your toxic traits. Yes, awareness is the first step. But awareness without integration is like opening a closet door and staring at the mess without ever cleaning it up.

Some people stop at the point of naming their shadows:

“I have abandonment issues.”

“I'm jealous.”

“I’m a people-pleaser.”

But then what? Simply naming these things without healing them can reinforce shame, not release it. It can turn into self-judgment disguised as self-awareness.

Shadow work also isn't about spiritual bypassing. You can't "affirm" your way out of deep wounds or ignore hard emotions in favor of love and light. The shadow thrives in secrecy and suppression—so ignoring it only makes it louder in your unconscious behaviors.

What Shadow Work Really Is

True shadow work is a process of meeting, understanding, loving, and integrating the parts of yourself you've been taught are unworthy, unlovable, or unsafe to express. It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about becoming whole.

Your shadow may include:

• The inner child who learned to stay small to survive

• The anger you’ve been taught to suppress

• The sexuality you’ve hidden out of fear

• The jealousy, grief, or rage you’ve been shamed for feeling

These parts don't need to be exiled. They need to be heard, held, and re-integrated with compassion.

Signs You Might Be Approaching Shadow Work Incorrectly

• You constantly feel emotionally drained or stuck in loops with no resolution.

• You use shadow work as a way to criticize yourself under the guise of self-improvement.

• You intellectualize your patterns instead of feeling through them.

• You only focus on "bad" traits and ignore the golden shadow—your suppressed talents, beauty, and power.

• You're doing it all alone and avoiding support, thinking you have to suffer through it.

How to Do Shadow Work Successfully

Here are some supportive ways to approach shadow work that actually bring healing and growth:

Get Curious, Not Critical

Approach your shadow with curiosity. When something triggers you, ask:

“What part of me is asking for attention?”

“What does this feeling need?”

Replace judgment with gentle inquiry. You are not broken—you are human.

Use the Body, Not Just the Mind

Shadow work isn’t purely intellectual. Emotions are stored in the body. Practices like breathwork, somatic journaling, movement, and even creative expression can help you move stuck energy and reconnect to parts of yourself that words alone can't reach.

Honor the Golden Shadow

The shadow isn’t only made of “negative” traits. It can also contain your brilliance, magnetism, sensuality, leadership, and joy—traits you were told to dim. Ask yourself:

“Where am I afraid to shine?”

“What am I hiding that I secretly love about myself?”

Create Safe Containers

Shadow work can open up deep emotional terrain. It’s important to do this work in a safe, grounded environment. That could mean setting up a sacred space, working with a therapist or healer, or scheduling time for gentle integration afterward.

Integrate, Don’t Erase

The goal isn’t to eliminate your shadow. It’s to bring it into harmony with your conscious self. Let your shadow inform you, guide you, teach you. Give it space to be seen and loved, not fixed or erased.

Shadow work isn't about fixing what's "wrong" with you. It's about making peace with every part of who you are. When done with intention, love, and honesty, it becomes a sacred act of self-reclamation. You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be whole.

If you need tips on witchy ways to do shadow work, check out my shadow work tips YouTube video here. And if you need help identifying your shadows, you can do so by looking at your Lilith placements in your birth chart. You may want to check out the Lilithian Reading, this will help you understand your shadows and give you guidance and how to start integrating them.